The Fear of Minimalism

Some of us want to live with less, but we carry a fear of minimalism that prevents us from making the changes we want to make.

I went to the post office the other day to post six items I’d sold on eBay. The items in question used to belong to my Mum. She died earlier this year, very suddenly, at the age of 68. It was exactly 1 month before her birthday. My mum lived a life that was complicated and she kept a lot of things. Minimalism wasn’t something that Mum would have wanted to do. And of course that is not a problem – we all walk our own paths.

Her flat was rented and I had four weeks to clear out her possessions, most of which I took home because I couldn’t deal with sorting through them one by one in the weeks following her death.

Time heals, slowly

Now that time has passed and the grief isn’t so raw, I have started to open up all the boxes. My Mum was a collector – she collected vinyl records, spoons, coins, watches, china, glass, model cars, stamps and more. She didn’t hoard junk – most of the things she had are worth some money in their own right. So I faced the problem of what to do with it all. Keeping more than a few items wasn’t something I wanted to do – we have a small house and I am not a lover of ornamental objects or collections.

I knew that it was all too valuable to just give away, yet a collector or auction house would not pay what its full worth (as they would be keen to sell on and make a profit). My brother and I decided the best thing to do would be to sell the more valuable collections on eBay.

It’s taken me a while to get the point where I can list her collectables for sale, but I’m now happy to let the majority of them go. My Mum is not inside her stuff, she is inside my head, and she smiles at me from the precious photos I have of her.

This is why I was at the post office with six parcels.

Free postage

Now, one thing my Mum collected was stamps – both first day covers and mint issue stamps. But the thing is, most of these are worth very little. Nobody is interested in first day covers. Mint issue stamps barely fetch the value of the stamps themselves.

Unsure what else to do with the unfranked stamps, I decided I could use them to post the other items. Great idea, right? That would effectively be free postage.

I asked the man at the post office counter if it would be okay to make up the postage cost using my collection of mint stamps. He looked slightly burdened but said that would be fine. He gave me a calculator and sent me to one side to add up my stamps and stick the right amounts on the right parcels.

Well, I can tell you that doing it this way is highly laborious. When I’d done all my stamp sticking and gone back to the counter, I still had to buy extra postage because the stamp collection didn’t have the right denominations and I was several pence under on all the parcels I’d stamped up.

Thankfully it was quiet day, so I didn’t upset everyone in the queue behind me because there wasn’t one.

Now bear with me – I will get to the point very soon.

Death Cleaning

Because it all took so long, I got chatting to the man at the counter. I apologised for making it all so confusing and explained that I had a huge collection of mint stamps that I wanted to use up.

He commented that it was such a shame that collectable stamps weren’t worth anything and then he confessed that he had hundreds of first day covers. I mentioned my Mum’s death and her collection of first day covers. Then in the way that sometimes happens when you’re talking to a stranger, he opened up and started telling me that he had huge collections of everything. His children would be cursing him when he was gone, he said.

He told me he had vinyl records, music magazines, CDs and of course, loads of stamps. He said that he knew that he needed to sort it all out, and that he should be (he paused and looked a bit awkward)… death cleaning. An apology for the expression followed. I had never come across it before, but I googled it when I got home and apparently it comes from the Swedish practice of putting your affairs in order and decluttering so that your children don’t have to do it (they even have a word for it “Döstädning”).

Anyway, Mr Post Office Man told me he knew that it all had to go and his kids didn’t want it.

“But I can’t part with it,” he said with a hint of strain in his voice. He thought for a few seconds, “You know, we hang onto it and hang onto it. But maybe we’re hanging onto the wrong things…”

Then, because we’re British and these heartfelt moments of vulnerability are a bit scary for us, he suddenly laughed, remarking,

“But that’s all a bit too deep!”

We all crave a simpler way of life

I drove home and thought about how often I hear people say they feel burdened by what they own and what their responsibilities are.

We have created a strange society where we produce unimaginable amounts of stuff. Companies pay millions to advertising agencies to crack the “desire” response in its target audience. And we all fall for it, buying and buying and buying; and working more and more in order to be able to buy.

But it doesn’t bring us what it promises. Our things don’t make us healthier, richer, more attractive or smarter. They are just another addition to already full houses. Things that we have to take care of, store, clean, and feel guilty about not using.

Mr Post Office Man’s pain was written on his face. His identification of himself in his belongings. And his anguish that he couldn’t part with them even though he loved his children and didn’t want to burden them.

What we stand for and believe about ourselves oozes into our possessions. We think we cannot let anything go without losing a part of who we are. We have become creatures who find and define ourselves in our belongings, even though that’s not where we come from.

Yes, it can be scary taking it away. We stand emotionally naked, up for judgement, and maybe not even sure of who we are, when we don’t have anything of our own around us.

Who wants to feel that way? No one. It’s uncomfortable (at first), and we don’t like uncomfortable.

The Fear Of Minimalism Can Be Overcome

But letting go is available to all of us. Not just of our unnecessary stuff and guilty purchases, but also of past hurts, bad self-beliefs and emotions like hatred, anger and fear.

Sometimes it isn’t easy, but covering yourself with layer upon layer of things isn’t the answer.

Letting go (and start with the easy stuff – there’s not need to torture yourself), is a way of discovering who we really are. Not who advertisers want us to be, and not who our friends and family want us to be.

Think about the deep reasons for holding onto things that you know you should part with. Are you afraid you won’t be you any more if you don’t have your CD collection? Will you be less intelligent without a room full of books? Perhaps you won’t be quirky and fun if you give up your collection of 60s shoes?

That’s a false belief.

What you are – who you are – is in addition to your things, not in them.

You can be you. You don’t need external proof in the form of endless possessions and responsibilities. And maybe there is still a lot to discover about yourself that has been suffocated and hidden away.

Perhaps you could think about looking inside and finding it 🙂

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The fear of minimalism holds us back from making the kind of changes that could have a huge impact on our wellbeing and future. What are we afraid of? The fear of minimalism holds us back from making the kind of changes that could have a huge impact on our wellbeing and future. What are we afraid of?

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10 thoughts on “The Fear of Minimalism”

  1. Oh this is soooo true. I knew it from after dad’s death but now after mum’s I REALLY know. She too was a collector of expensive things and I’m only 1/4 of the way through her flat and post death cleaning. Ugh!

  2. in ten years i have to move, my apartment subsidy is ending
    between now and then i want to cut my belongings in half at least
    i want to move as a minimalist to save money on my move
    and my best friend had a heart attack during her move
    this stuff we haul around can kill us
    she’s fine but it took a toll..all that stuff

    i may only be able to afford a room to rent then so need to not have lots of stuff
    i am only in a studio apartment and have been actively decluttering for a year now.
    have much more to let go of though

    • I’m sorry to hear about your friend! We stress about all our stuff and we have to move it all around if we move – it can take its toll on our health for sure. You have a great amount of time to thoroughly go through everything. It will be so much easier when you move after sorting through all of your things and making sure you have only what you need and love. Good luck on your journey.

  3. I Love this! While collecting a few things during my young years, I have now gotten rid of almost everything. I’ve asked my grown Children if they wanted anything before getting rid of it and now never ask because they I realize they have they’re own style. My problem is to save something so they have some memories.

  4. I collected presentation packs of new stamps as a child and when I found them at my Mum’s house recently, I looked into their values. Once I discovered they were not even worth face value, I too have started using them to post my own eBay sales. It’s saved me a fortune! My Mum is horrified, as she knows many were purchased for more than their face value, and can not see how they are not worth anything!

  5. My parents are in their late 80’s-both reasonably healthy for their age but hey-time marches on. My dad in particular has hoarding tendencies-who knows what he would be like if mum wasn’t so neat & clean. Between them they have masses of stuff both indoors & stored in sheds & the garage ( the car lives on the drive-the scrap wood & old stuff is in the dry garage!! ).They also live at the other end of the country to me & my siblings.
    I am early 60’s & in the last couple of years my husband & I have really pared back our possessions ,simplified every aspect of our lives & made our wills-we do not want to burden our own children sorting out our affairs when the time comes.
    We also stipulated that ,when our boys finished Uni & started their adult lives , all their possessions be removed from the family home-we allowed a period of grace for this to be completed-some of my friends thought this was harsh but for our family it was the right thing to do

    • You have done a great thing for your children. Having sorted through my relatives endless possessions on their deaths (months of work), having things in order is a thoughtful gift that will make a difficult time a little bit easier for them. And I don’t think that is too harsh to ask your children to take ownership of their things. Managing your own possessions is a skill like any other.

      • Thanks Faye.
        The present health situation in the world has also shown that all we really need (apart from family & friends) is loo roll & food.

        Love Karen-Stay In, Stay Safe


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